If you have underage children, then choosing who will be legally responsible for them if you are no longer able to is a difficult – yet immensely important – question.
Deciding who should be your child’s guardian requires moving beyond pure legal or financial criteria and focusing on what is truly best for their long-term well-being and stability.
Here are the key factors and questions you should consider as you decide on your children’s potential legal guardians.
I. Emotional Fit and Relationship
The person you choose will step into your role, so their character and relationship with your children are paramount.
| Factor | Questions to Ask Yourselves |
|---|---|
| Existing Bond | Do our children already have a strong, loving, and trusting relationship with this person? Will they feel comfortable, safe, and loved in their home? |
| Parenting Style | Does their general approach to discipline, values, and education align with ours? (e.g., How do they handle conflict? What are their views on screen time?) |
| Emotional Capacity | Is this person emotionally resilient and available? Can they handle the monumental task of raising two grieving children while navigating their own grief and life? |
| Family Dynamics | How will our children fit in with the potential guardian’s existing family (spouse, children)? Will they be treated equally and accepted? |
| Commitment | Is this person willing and ready to take on the responsibility until our youngest child reaches age 18 (and potentially through college)? (Crucially, you must have this conversation with them before naming them.) |
II. Location and Stability
The loss of parents is traumatic; uprooting your children from their familiar environment can compound that trauma.
| Factor | Questions to Ask Yourselves |
|---|---|
| Geographic Proximity | Does the potential guardian live near our current home? Would naming them force our children to change schools, lose their friends, and break ties with their community and remaining extended family? |
| Willingness to Relocate | If they live far away, are they willing to consider moving closer to your children’s current community and school district? |
| Home Environment | Do they have a stable, safe, and appropriate living situation that can accommodate two additional children? |
III. Values, Beliefs, and Philosophy
The guardian will shape your children’s moral and ethical framework.
| Factor | Questions to Ask Yourselves |
|---|---|
| Core Values | Do they share our core values (e.g., honesty, work ethic, education priority, etc.)? |
| Religious/Cultural Match | If religious or cultural practices are important to you, will the guardian uphold them? (If not, is there another family member who could be designated as a “spiritual advisor” to ensure continuity?) |
| Educational Philosophy | Do they align with our goals for our children’s education (e.g., public vs. private school, college expectations)? |
IV. Practical and Financial Capacity
While you will ideally fund your children’s care through trusts and insurance, the guardian must be practically capable.
| Factor | Questions to Ask Yourselves |
|---|---|
| Age and Health | Are they healthy enough to handle the physical and mental demands of raising children through their teenage years? If they are older (e.g., grandparents), do we need to name a younger Successor Guardian? |
| Financial Acumen | Are they responsible with money? Even if they aren’t managing the inheritance (which is often a separate role—the Trustee), are they stable and capable of managing day-to-day expenses and budgeting? |
| Capacity to Divide Roles | Should we name one person as the Guardian of the Person (the day-to-day caregiver) and a separate person as the Guardian of the Estate/Trustee (the money manager)? This separation is often wise to prevent conflicts of interest. |
| Their Spouse/Partner | While you can name one person as the sole guardian, what is your comfort level with their spouse? They will be part of your children’s new home environment. |
V. Contingency Planning
You should always have backups in place, as life is unpredictable.
- Primary Guardian: Your first and best choice.
- Successor Guardian (1st Alternate): If the primary guardian is unable or unwilling to serve.
- Successor Guardian (2nd Alternate): For maximum protection.